Co-Parenting Chronicles: The Battle of Bedtime (and Other Tiny Hills We Die On) (Part 4)
Nothing exposes the absurdity of high-conflict parenting like bedtime.
Parent A: “The kids go to bed at 8:00 sharp.”
Parent B: “They’re fine until 8:30.”
Result? A three-day standoff, complete with footnotes and accusations about circadian rhythms.
The Story
Bedtime, snacks, screen time…these small details can turn into World War III. Why? Because they feel like they have control. And in high-conflict cases, control is the battlefield.
But here’s the truth: your child’s emotional health depends far less on whether they go to bed at 8:00 or 8:30—and far more on whether they’re shielded from ongoing parental conflict.
The Lesson
Pick your battles. Some things matter deeply (health, safety, school). Others, like a 30-minute bedtime gap, are not worth the war.
The trick is asking yourself: “Will this matter in five years?”
If the answer is no, let it go.
Survival Tip
Think “big rocks” vs. “pebbles.” Save your energy for the big rocks: education, medical needs, safety. Let the pebbles—like mismatched socks or five extra minutes of screen time roll by.
Why It Matters
Children thrive when their parents focus on stability, not perfection. A rigid bedtime won’t protect them from conflict, but your ability to let go of unnecessary battles will.
Final Thought
As both a therapist and a co-parent, I’ve seen this play out: parents exhausted from fighting over small details forget to celebrate the big picture. The real win isn’t getting your way about bedtime; it’s showing your kids that even when parents disagree, they can choose peace.
By Jessica Oliver, LCSW | Founder, Peaceful Pastures Ranch & Calm in Chaos
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, LCSW, is a trauma therapist, hypnotherapist, and Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator. She is the founder of Peaceful Pastures Therapy and Calm in Chaos Mediation. Her work bridges the gap between emotional healing and legal conflict resolution, helping individuals and families navigate anxiety, trauma, and transition with compassion, clarity, and grounded tools.
🔗 www.peacefulpasturesranch.org
🔗 www.calminchaos.net
