Co-Parenting Chronicles: Surviving the Chaos (part 1)
Part 1: The Memoir-Worthy Text
High-conflict co-parenting is not for the faint of heart. One minute you’re asking a simple question about soccer practice, and the next you’re reading a 900-word essay about how you’ve ruined Halloween three years in a row.
It’s exhausting. It’s ridiculous. And sometimes…it’s unintentionally hilarious.
In today’s Chronicle, let’s talk about The Memoir-Worthy Text—you know, the one so long, so dramatic, so wildly off-topic that you almost want to forward it to a publisher.
The Story
One parent sends: “What time is pickup?”
The other responds: “Since you’re asking, let’s revisit our entire divorce, my thoughts on your new haircut, and by the way, you were five minutes late in 2016 and I still haven’t recovered.”
If you’ve been here, you know. If you haven’t—congratulations, you’ve hit the co-parenting lotto.
The Lesson
Not every text deserves a reaction. In fact, most don’t. The trick is to separate the signal from the noise:
Ignore the drama.
Respond only to the actual question.
Save the rest for your therapist, your journal, or your group chat (trust me, it’s group chat gold).
It sounds simple, but when emotions are running high, it takes real discipline to stay neutral. Maybe a few rewrites of that message.
Survival Tip
Use the “work email” rule: pretend you’re writing to your boss. Short, boring, professional. No sass. No shade.
Boring texts don’t escalate conflict; they end it. And in high-conflict parenting, boring is beautiful.
Why It Matters
Here’s the part that often gets overlooked: kids notice everything. They pick up on tone, tension, and whether communication between their parents feels like a boxing match or a business memo. When you choose boring, neutral responses, you’re not just saving yourself drama…you’re lowering the emotional temperature in your child’s world.
And let’s be real: someday, those screenshots might resurface in a courtroom, in a custody review, or in a professional evaluation. Neutral, respectful responses protect you and your children, both in the moment and in the long run.
Final Thought
I can say this both as a therapist/parenting coordinator and as someone who has lived through co-parenting and step-parenting: it’s hard. It’s messy. But every time you refuse to get pulled into the chaos, you model resilience for your kids.
You don’t have to respond to the whole memoir. Sometimes, the most powerful response is a single, calm line that says: “Pickup is at 6.”
Because calm in the chaos isn’t just the name of this practice—it’s the survival strategy.
By Jessica Oliver, LCSW | Founder, Peaceful Pastures Ranch & Calm in Chaos
About the Author
Jessica Oliver, LCSW, is a trauma therapist, hypnotherapist, and Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator. She is the founder of Peaceful Pastures Therapy and Calm in Chaos Mediation. Her work bridges the gap between emotional healing and legal conflict resolution, helping individuals and families navigate anxiety, trauma, and transition with compassion, clarity, and grounded tools.
🔗 www.peacefulpasturesranch.org
🔗 www.calminchaos.net
